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Tuesday, August 01, 2006

God Bless Americans

- Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death
- It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.

- In Fairbanks, it is illegal to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose.
- Another law in Fairbanks, does not allow moose to have sex on city streets.

- Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.
- In Ventura County, California cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.

- You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.
- You are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands.

- Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
- A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
- If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
- It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
- Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
- It is illegal for a man to be in public with a "visible" erection.

- It is illegal to masturbate
- If two persons of the opposite sex are under a blanket with their shoes off, they are considered to be having sex.

- It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets.

- Bathing is prohibited during the winter.
- Citizens are not allowed to attend a movie house or theater nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic.

- Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes.

- A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.
- In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.

- It is illegal to have uncastrated livestock in city limits.

- By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground."
- It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket. - An excerpt from brilliant Kentucky state legislation. "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club".

- It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
- Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault."

- It is illegal to win more then 3 dollars while gambling!

- No gorilla may be in the backseat of any car at any time.
- Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.
- Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
- An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.
- Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.

- Married women may not cut their own hair without their husbands permission.

- It is illegal for a man to ride faster than 20 on a bike and no less than 3.
- It is legal to smoke marijuana in public.
- When you get out of prison you are legaly entitled to a gun, a horse and a suit.
- No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.

- It is illegal to drive without shoes on

- In Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because "The privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male."

- Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown-if they're nude.
- A law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.

- A parent can be arrested if her/his child cannot hold back a burp during a church service.
- The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.
New Mexico
- Females are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public.
- During lunch breaks in Carlsbad, New Mexico no couple should engage in a sexual act while parked in their vehicle, unless their car has curtains.

New Jersey
- Any couple making out inside a vehicle, and accidentally sounding the horn during their lustful act, may be taken to jail according to a Liberty Corner, New Jersey law.

New York
- A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.

North Carolina
- An ordinance was passed last year banning hurricanes from entering the city limits. (Topsail Beach)

North Dakota
- Attempted suicide was considered attepted murder. At one time, this was subject to the death penalty.
- Beer and pretzels can't be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.

- Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.
- In Cleveland, Ohio, it's illegal to catch mice without a hunting license.
- In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture.

- Violators can be fined, arrested, or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog.
- Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state.
- Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.
- Clinton, Oklahoma has a law against masturbating while watching two people having sex in a car.

- In Willowdale, Oregon no man may curse while having sex with his wife.

- Any motorist who sights a team of horses coming toward him must pull well off the road, cover his car with a blanket or canvas that blends with the countryside, and let the horses pass. If the horses appear skittish, the motorist must take his car apart, piece by piece, and hide it under the nearest bushes.
- A special cleaning ordinance bans homemakers from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling. - No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife.
- In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania it is illegal to have sex with a truck driver inside a toll booth.

- A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit.
- It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
- It's illegal to put graffiti on someone else's cow. - Law forbids carrying around a fence cutter or a pair of pliers that could cut fence.
- In Kingsville, Texas there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property.

- A Tremonton, Utah law states that no woman is allowed to have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges, the woman's name will be published in the local newspaper. The man does not receive any punishment.
- Utah state legislation outlaws all sex with anyone but your spouse. Next to that adultery, oral and anal sex, masturbation are considered sodomy and can lead to imprisonment. Sex with an animal - unless performed for profit - however is NOT considered sodomy. Polygamy - provided only the missionary position has been applied - is only a misdemeanor.

- Lawmakers made it obligatory for everybody to take at least one bath each week- on Saturday night.

- Seattle residents may not carry concealed weapons longer than six feet.
- All lollipops are banned.
- A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town.
- The only acceptable sexual position in Washington D.C. is the missionary-style position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.
- In the state of Washington there is a law against having sex with a virgin under any circumstances. (Including the wedding night).

West Virginia
- No children may attend school with their breath smelling of "wild onions."

- In Connorsville, Wisconsin no man shall shoot off a gun while his female partner is having a sexual orgasm.

- An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer!